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Rush week just started for us. New pledges came in for the liquid nitrogen ice cream social. They seem nice enough, but I doubt a lot of them are going to formally pledge. I got a t-shirt that says 'we're all about the backside attack on it' and I am not comfortable wearing that at all. Chemists will get the joke but the public is going to think of buttsex, so.

I am frustrated with my homework. This is the first homework I've done all semester, and all it makes me want to do is take a nap. I don't know anything, and I don't think the book can help me. So I'm going to go down and get some pasta, and a big cup of chocolate milk, watch a little of the game with my brothers from a lot of other mothers, and then come back to it.

EDIT; Pasta and milk successfully acquired. I'm stuck on numbers 3c and 6, but otherwise. Next week we starting fucking earlier than the night before. And tomorrow night I am doing my organometallics homework. Even if I'm burned out there's no fucking excuse for school to have been in session for three weeks and have not done any homework. At all. Even if I did memorize the periodic table.

I'm listening to Kevin and three friends play Dominion. They're... socially awkward, all of them. And while I would prefer any kind of husband to be geeky, speaking with a lisp, sneezing/burping/farting as loud as you can, and saying odd things and meowing is just... awkward. Pass.

Wow, my brain actually hurts after doing this homework. I'm going to settle in with some pepsi-bourbon and go to bed before I see Heather tomorrow morning and Dr. Tolman about polyurethane's in the afternoon.

Holy balls, what happened last night?

Got myself a nickname.
(playing SceneIt)
Josh: Here, Justine, you roll, you're the only one who's sober.
Justine: I'm not.
Josh: Well you've got the power of physics behind you. Roll anyways, and make it good!
Justine: ((rolls a 1))
Josh: A one?! A fucking one! Justine! How could you do this to me?
Justine: Hey! In binary one is amazing!
Josh: ((laughs so hard Jim Beam comes out his nose))
45 Minutes Later:
Andrew: Hey, Binary Olson, get over here!

Oh man, I need to send a thank you note to the waitress at the chinese place. She completely gave me a 'I-know-you're-drunk-but-I'm-not-going-to-make-a-thing-out-of-it-sympathy-look and was good to us. Thank god for Andrew, I would not have made it home if it hadn't been for him. Jesus.

My research advisor is in the hospital for chemical burns. He was pouring sulfuric acid into what he thought was oleic acid, but was actually water. It sprayed all over him. He's going to be fine; the acid didn't make it into his blood stream, just a 2rd degree burn on both arms. That sounds terrible but it was 12M sulfuric acid. He's fucking lucky. The only worse acid would've been HCl, or HF, which has been banned except in certain circumstances.

Ashley just called me to say she got the cheap bourbon. I'm looking up bus schedules and wondering about whether sleeping over might just be easier. I have to take a bag, either way, because well, 20 year old me can't be seen walking down the street with a liter of bourbon, can she?

I really don't feel like going out tonight, even if it is just Anne and her N64 party.

Maybe Andrew will give me a ride home. I love Andrew to bits. ♥

I don't know. I spent pretty much the whole of last week either drunk or hungover. And I mean, literally, all of last week. I tried to do the Alpha Chi Sigma movie night, but we watched "Saved" and then the "Stephen Colbert Christmas Special." I got fed up halfway through, with Bryce and Sara fondling each other, and Tony and his lady-du-jour cuddling over Chipotle. And the lesbian orgy halfway through with Paul egging everyone on.

Oh well. Ashley did buy me bourbon right? Least I can do is go for a little while. Maybe take a change of clothes and a sheet, JIC.

Supernatural was pretty fuckin' epic, huh?

I get to report something happy today. I got out of lab early! I also got to work with solid elemental sodium, which is flammable in air. Seriously, spontaneous combustion. It should have been used under an argon atmosphere, but my post-doc says, "No, no, it's alright, do it here, just go very fast." And that's the story of how I almost caught on fire. No jk it was fine. It looks like it would be sticky after it's been in the air for awhile, but if you cut it it really is a metal on the inside, shiny and looks metal.

I put up flowers on my walls! Tacks stick in to the wall and hold the flouwers up i'll show you! YES. Visual representation, always better!


PRETTY.

I moved my orchid next to me and my new pink lamp. It's sitting on the heater so I think it is happier. It buuuuddded while is like having a baby.

Say. If each bud is unique that means I have to name them all instead o fjust naming the plant. Because they are unique. Conjoined twins have dif. names right?

I will think more on this.

( in which i mull over much more shit. )

Okay that's all I love you babies! CIOA. =D

EDIT: oh my god i'm never drinking again.

I woke up this morning without pubic hair. I am 96% sure I'm responsible.

I redecorated. Basically I have the room of a 10 year old girl. ... And the business parts of one too.

That bottle of rum? I drank half of it. My liver must be in excellent condition because when I woke up I didn't feel anything. Small mercy, since I went to bed at 3 AM and had to get up at 6:30 to run a reaction in lab (since I accidently threw away my product the first time).

It turns out that my body response to too much alcohol by craving sushi and tearing up at bad moments.

We discussed benzynes in physical organic chemistry, which are crazy things that shouldn't exist. I spent the afternoon waiting for my ester to crystalize. Now I don't know if you know this, but esters don't crystallize naturally. It's a pain in the fucking butt. I got it, eventually, but it took a few hours when all I wanted to do was go home.

I solved my recommendation letter problem! The U of Michigan requires an advisor to send a letter, and Stephanie did three weeks ago. She saved that letter, and cheerfully agreed to send it to the last three schools. This weekend I will write the best essays for Wisconsin-Madison and U of Iowa. Stephanie said that I was too ambitious in my school choices and that Purdue and Iowa where the ones that I could probably get admitted to. She said not to even bother applying to my alma mater, since the U of MN only takes the very very best students in chemistry.

I am considerably happier now. I'm really sorry for all the melancholy/drunk posts. I try to keep that shit to myself, but this is my journal, and if it were a personal journal that would definitely be put into it.

I slept from 7PM to 3AM. I'm debating whether or not to go down and make some ramen or just make a sandwich. I think sandwich is going to be it because people are arriving home right now. (I do live at a fraternity, you know.)

After I finish my essays, I have an idea for a fanfic. I dropped a class so I only have 9 credits this semester (average student takes 15, average senior takes 12) so I have some time. The trouble with fanfic though is that I never like revealing what I'm thinking to other people, you know what I mean? I've got a dirty mind but outside of 'that's what she said' I don't usually give people that impression.

Lauryn, another member of my fratrnity, loves Supernatural too. She's a Sam girl. I told her I liked the angel and she knew exactly what I meant. I may have made flapping motions to mimic wings while I did this. There's video from last night on facebook and that's what I seem to be doing. At least I think so. Paul did tell me I was raving about being an angel at one point.

the worls is a pleasent blur

Background noise is a lot of shouting and laughing
Male voice #1 (from down the hall): Is your finger in his bellybutton again?
Male voice #2 (guilty): Yes...

To keep my mind off of my insides trying to become my outsides (with a moderate measure of success, I might add) I've been watching movies all day. Or, well, from 4 pm until now, because I didn't get up until 4 pm.

The Invention of Lying
X-Men I
The Men Who Stare at Goats
Men in Black
The Omen

My sleep schedule is so screwed up because of this illness.

Tomorrow I (hopefully) pick up the keys to my apartment and start moving. I will also get off my lazy ass and do my grad school applications, which are due in five days.

slept for 13 hours. feel worse. i want to a. curl up in ball until healthy again or, b. die.

I have lost my voice completely. I can't even whisper anymore.

Best case, common cold, worse case, strep. The defining sign would be a red throat. I looked, and maybe that area is a little bit redder than the rest of my mouth, but I don't make a habit of looking in my mouth with a flashlight, so.

I think I'm friends with the wrong people. I'm trying not to judge but they're making it REALLY HARD. That's what she said.

This probably makes me giant girl, but I bought some new clothes to make me feel better. Here they are:

( Shiny New Clothes )

Since I had a gift card, I went for more contemporary clothes. Usually I go for the classic look, but I've always liked the black-cardigan-over-tank-top look. So.

My personal statement is utterly BS, but it's written. Ma will proof read it for me, and then I was be very apologetic to Stephanie (my advisor) because she asked for it last week.

EDIT; Well. Rachel didn't say no... Didn't say yes either.

Home from Los Angeles after the trip from hell. Even the way back was terrible. My got lost navigating the LA highways, and traffic was so heavy... We were supposed to watch the sun set from Griffith Observatory, but in getting lost we ended up at the airport anyways, and we were five hours early. I'm sick, mind you, my throat burns, and earlier that day I had some Two Buck Chuck (which is a $2 merlot, literally, $2) so I'm not feeling so hot. Then I have to sit by this huge woman. When I walked up to my seat I thought to myself, 'Oh, that poor woman, having to use two seats. She must be so embarrassed,' but no. She had one seat and and was also sitting in mine. I am NOT a thin woman but I still fit into an airline seat and she didn't. I was very uncomfortable the entire way, but I felt for her so I didn't make a big deal of it. Although the way she and her husband made of fun of other passengers boarding the plane made it hard.

We got in at 5:44 AM, and home at 7 AM (Minneapolis time), and I finally got to sleep in my own bed. It smelled like me, that was the best part, and it was soft, and the other best part? Nicole was in her own room.

I just asked Rachel out on a date. Whoops.

I'm going to write my grad school apps later tonight. I've been feeling pretty down on myself recently (in case you couldn't tell/don't care) and I don't know how I'm supposed to write anything good about myself while I'm feeling like this.

Depressed and not feeling well. I found granddaddy's alcohol and mixed it in a Mountain Dew can. Mostly MTN Dew, but there's also vodka and some gin. The gin just ruins the taste. Tastes kind of like hairspary if you mixed it with pop.

What am I doing? It's Christmas. I should be happy. But you know, with everything that happened last semester.... I haven't made any progress. I swore to myself at the beginning that I would do everything I could to make it a great semester, slim down, find a girlfriend, boyfriend, what the fuck ever, just someone who understood. And I haven't. And maybe my grades are up but they still aren't great and I'm so sick of the same shit again and again and again, and I'm worried that at grad school - if I get in - I'm going to come up against the same.

I want a family. My family.


I'm going to go dump it out and have some water. Whoops, it's all gone.

That is all.

I spent the weekend in a crippling depression. Saturday I felt terrible. I asked a girl out, one I've been pinning over for a long time, and she told me she had a headache otherwise she completely would. Better than I have to wash my hair, but only just. Anyways, later that night I stole one of my brother's fries from the fridge while I was making toast, and my mother, dear mother, she gives me such an incredulous look. She says to me, "You're eating while you're waiting for your food?"

Shattered me to bits when I was already feeling fragile. So what did I do? I took two more Apidexin and some benedryl. Woke up this morning with benedryl's characteristic chemical hangover. I felt absent all day, watching the Sopranos and the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I took more diet pills, and it left me with such a headache I sobbed from the pain. There were other symptoms too, which I looked up and have self-diagnosed as caffeine overdose. Not full-blown 1.6 g overdose, but just before overdose symptoms.

So I look Aleve, which is an NSAID, and drank a half gallon of water over an hour.

I feel, so so much better. My head still hurts but at least I'm no longer photo- and phonophobic.

Plus! My secret was 'published' on SecretZen.com.

Yep. That's me. I sent it in two weeks ago after some high schooler hurled an insult at me from his car.

I've also spent the day making my LJ beautiful. New layout, and several new icons. Bonus!French title, too.

I've worked out a system to get me to study for EE. Currently I have a 50 average, where the class average is about a 65. I can drop a midterm if I do well on the final. I have an opportunity to cover my ass here, and three days to study for it... and I'm lying in bed reading Sam/Dean slash.

INSTEAD.... I am going to download the 4th season of the Sopranos, because I love the Sopranos... and it takes 3 hours to download.

Now, while I'm watching one episode, I won't let the next one start downloading. After I've finished with the one, I'll study for EE while the next one downloads. Is this going to work out beautifully? Probably not, because knowing me I'm a procrastinating fuck. But we can hope.

Normally, which is 99% of the time, I have a handle on my dyslexia. Normally it only affects numbers, but when I'm nervous about writing something it kicks in.

I just signed my name Justien Rsoe O. Fuuuuck.

Anyways, 4101's final is in two hours. I haven't started to study for it. That might've been a mistake.

On a related note, Edgar Arriaga will also be writing a letter of recommendation for me. I can't believe I was such a coward.

I turned in my last report for lab, my last 'freshman writing' assignment, and just did my pharmacy final exam.

Two finals left, analytical chem and electrical engineering, and I'm FREE.

I still have to work up the moxie to ask for letters of recommendation. Tomorrow.

I saw Inglourious Basterds. It was brilliant. I didn't know whether I wanted to laugh or cry through it.